Category: Jokes

Two Brazilian Men

Two Brazilian Men

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says,

“Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”

The blonde starts crying and says to her husband while sobbing

“That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”

Confused the husband replies “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says,

“… So how many is a Brazilian?”

Cup of Coffee

This is too cute not to share: One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson answered, “Like it says on TV, Grandma: ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!!'”

-Author Unknown

2 Beautiful Woman

An old woman is riding an elevator in a lavish store when a beautiful woman gets in the elevator, smelling of perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!” Another beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and turns to her and says, “Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”The old woman is about to get off the elevator but before she leaves, she looks both women in the eye, bends over and farts and says, “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound

Dead Duck

Woman takes a duck to Vet. Vet says, Your duck is dead. Woman says, Are you sure? Yes, says Vet. How can you be sure you’ve done no tests. Vet brings in a labrador retriever which sniffs the duck and shakes his head. Next, a cat which sniffs the bird and shakes its head. Vet says, Sorry, but as I said your duck is dead. Vet hands woman a bill. She cries, $820 to tell me my duck is dead! Vet says, If you had taken my word for it the bill would be $20 but Lab Reports and Cat Scans cost EXTRA…

Tea Party

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party. She brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea her Mom came home, Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was “Just the cutest thing!” Mom waited and sure enough, here she comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. Mommy watches him drink it up and then says “You know, the only place she can reach water is the toilet!”

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